How to support someone who’s struggling
We’ve all experienced the quiet pressure of wanting to best support a loved one through hardship or grief. We aim to say the right things and be helpful, while recognizing that the person we’re trying to support has limited emotional capacity to engage or make decisions. Take this self-reflection quiz to consider meaningful and practical ways to offer support to those you love.
1. When someone is grieving, what’s the most helpful thing you can do at first?
- Offer advice on how to feel better
- Sit with them quietly and let them talk if they want
- Distract them with something fun
Why B is best:
Grief isn’t something that can be “fixed” with advice or distraction. Often, the most powerful support is simply being present. Sitting quietly and offering a listening ear allows your loved one to feel safe and not alone.
2. When listening to someone in pain, what should you focus on?
- Thinking of the right thing to say next
- Offering a similar story from your life
- Listening without planning your response
Why C is best:
Active listening means giving your full attention without trying to steer the conversation or plan what you will say next. This kind of presence can be more healing than any words.
3. Which of these is the most helpful offer?
- “What can I do for you?”
- “I’m going to the store — what can I pick up for you?”
- “I hope you’re doing OK.”
Why B is best:
Grief and stress can make even minor decisions feel overwhelming. Specific offers reduce the mental load and make it easier for someone to accept help.
4. How can you support someone weeks or months later?
- Assume they’re better if they haven’t reached out
- Wait for them to bring it up
- Check in on them for special dates or just because
Why C is best:
Heartache doesn’t follow a timeline. People often feel forgotten after the initial wave of support fades. A message on a later date can remind them they’re still cared for — and that their struggle hasn’t been forgotten.
5. What should you remember about processing emotions?
- Everyone should talk about their feelings
- People should get over it after a few weeks
- Everyone struggles differently
Why C is best:
There’s no “right” way to process hard emotions. Some people need to talk, others need space. Some cry, others stay busy. Respecting their unique process, without judgment or a timeline, shows deep compassion.
6. When should you suggest professional help?
- Only if they ask
- If they seem stuck or overwhelmed
- Never, it’s too personal
Why B is best:
Sometimes our struggles become too heavy to carry alone. If someone seems unable to function, is withdrawing completely or shows signs of depression, gently suggesting professional support can be a life-changing act of care.
When a loved one is going through a challenging time, we often struggle to know the right thing to do or say. In these situations, it is important to remember that our presence matters most. Sometimes, the best we can do is simply show up and listen. Offer a specific task to help with. And don’t forget to check in a few weeks or months later, when other support has lessened. These small acts of kindness can make a big difference in comforting a loved one through grief or hardship.
Kim Connelly holds a Doctor of Nursing Practice in Integrative Health and Healing, emphasizing mental health and pediatrics.