A back-to-school primer for the parents of college students
By Fr. Zack Weber | For On Mission
The college years can be some of the most transformative seasons of a young person’s life — filled with new friendships, ideas, struggles, and questions about who they are and who God is calling them to be.
One of the greatest gifts a parent can offer during these years is not another lecture, but a listening ear. Learn to truly listen. Try to understand your student’s point of view, even if it seems to shift.
Students want to know that their parents truly love them and care about how they are doing. College is full of temptations to abandon the faith, but there are practical ways you can help them remain faithful even amidst those temptations.
One parent noticed that his son was struggling during his first semester of college, facing temptations to sin. The parents encouraged him to begin each morning with prayer. The student later told me how much that simple practice helped him. His story inspired me to write this list of practical do’s and don’ts if you have a child or grandchild in college.
1) Talk with them — not at them.
Set up a weekly phone call and put it on the calendar. If possible, establish this routine before they leave for college.
Do ask open-ended questions that invite real conversation: ”What’s been the most interesting thing you’ve learned this semester?” “What’s weighing on your heart right now?” or “What’s the vibe like on campus?”
Don’t lead every call with questions about grades, money, prayer habits, or career plans. Especially during the first year or two, try not to pressure your student about what they are going to do after college or with the rest of their life.
Your goal is not to fix everything — it’s to stay connected so that, when something serious comes up, they trust you enough to bring it to you. Offer advice only if they ask for it.
College students will be tempted to define their worth by their grades or accomplishments. Remind them that their worth has already been given to them in their identity as a beloved son or daughter. If they struggle with losing peace over their grades, invite them to pray with Mark 1:11.
2) Stay connected without smothering: Presence matters, even from a distance.
A weekly check-in call can help a lot. If you ask good questions, you will receive better answers. Remember that conversation is not a one-time event but something to circle back to throughout the year. You are a conversational partner, not a quizzer.
Do keep them informed of life at home. Remind them they are loved and missed.
Don’t panic when they call home in a moment of stress. If your student calls in a panic, try not to panic yourself. Give it a day and call back. Sometimes inviting them to take three deep breaths is all they need.
Above all, anchor every conversation in prayer – but pray with them, not just for them. It might feel strange at first, but over time you may be surprised by how much God can work through you when you pray with your child.
End a conversation by asking, “How can I pray for you?” Then listen to what they say and end in prayer with words inviting God to help your child in the ways they asked for. Over time, you can even invite them to pray out loud and ask God for whatever graces they need. Keep it simple. Start with the words, “Come, Holy Spirit,” and then let the words come as God moves you.
3) A special note about student-athletes
For a college student who is also an athlete, the demands can be exponentially greater — early mornings, road trips, physical exhaustion, and the pressure to perform can make them feel pulled in every direction.
Do ask about their sport with genuine curiosity. Ask about who they are making friends with, not just about wins and losses. Ask how their body feels, how their team feels, and how their soul feels.
Freshmen athletes are learning to find healthy rhythms for studying, eating, exercising, friendships, spirituality, fun, and downtime. Give them room to process their own energy levels.
Freshmen often do not get much playing time, so ask them how they support and encourage their teammates.
Don’t tie your affirmation of your student to athletic performance. Don’t go over everything they did wrong in the game. Their identity is not found in a scoreboard. It is found in being a beloved child of God.
In my experience as a chaplain, the most important part of college is building authentic friendships. Pray that your student finds friends who believe in God and are virtuous in their Catholic faith. If they find friends who believe, then they will believe. It is really that simple.
Encourage them to find the Catholic campus ministry or Catholic students on social media before they get to college. Their Catholic faith can ground them through this transition.
Many students are looking for someone to lead them. If your student finds someone who is a leader, then, over time, they will follow. As they grow as individuals, their faith will grow with them. Following the path of Jesus Christ will never lead them astray.
Remind the often: God didn’t give them their gifts by accident. Those gifts ought to be used for His glory and honor. When offered back to Him in excellence and humility, they can become a powerful witness on campus and lead others to the truth, freedom, and hope that only God can give.
Fr. Weber is the director and chaplain of the Office of Campus Ministry at the University of Wisconsin-Oshkosh.