Deacon Doxtator marks 20-year diaconate anniversary
By Nancy Barthel | For On Mission
ONEIDA – Deacon Everett “Bobby” Doxtator loves working with people. Within minutes of meeting him, you can tell by the stories he tells of his service to St. Joseph Parish, the people of the Oneida Nation and the Diocese of Green Bay, that he was meant to be a deacon.
At age 35, Deacon Bobby said he first felt called to the diaconate while he and his wife, Margaret, and their young family were living in Hudson, Wis. They were then members of St. Patrick Parish there.
“We had a deacon and his wife in the church then,” he said, explaining, “We had talked about it and he kind of gave me an idea about what I’d want to do.” But the deacon also advised him that because of the weekend training required, “It’s hard when you’ve got kids.”
The Doxtators also lived in Minnesota and Wausau before moving their family to northeast Wisconsin, first to Green Bay and then back to Oneida, where he was among 13 children born to Leo and Betty Doxtator. He got his name “Bobby” when his older sisters couldn’t pronounce the word “baby.”
Deacon Bobby said it was reading an article about the diaconate in the then diocesan newspaper, The Compass, that led him to apply.
On May 15, 2004, Bishop David Zubik ordained him to the diaconate after he and Margaret had raised their five children and just three months after he retired from the 36-year career he said he loved as a senior service technician with Xerox.
This year he celebrates his 20th anniversary in the diaconate.
“It’s been a great journey,” he said.
What’s it like to be a deacon’s wife? “Fantastic,” said Margaret.
This year the Doxtators celebrate their 53rd anniversary. They are parents to Joel, Jill, Jason, Joshua and Jonathan and the grandparents to 10 grandchildren.
Deacon Bobby now has senior status as a deacon at his home parish of St. Joseph, where he also attended school.
“You’re not admistration,” he said of senior status, though earlier in his diaconate he had responsibility for daily operations at the parish. “I do funerals, baptisms, marriages, things like that,” he said, plus visits shut-ins and people living in care centers.
But, Margaret said, his ministry has a farther reach.
“It’s people calling him and asking him for help. He never says ‘no,’ never,” she said.
“A good example comes from your parents,” he said of why he serves.
“My dad (who worked for Selmer Construction) was active in church when we were little,” he said.
“My mom did taxes for people who didn’t read or write,” he said, noting one of his joys was that his mother was at his ordination.
“I think basically the word deacon or diaconate is to be of service,” Deacon Bobby said, continuing, “You’ve got to be friendly and care for people. I think if you really enjoy being around people and helping them, then you’re on the right track.”
He said he knows there’s something about him that attracts people who need to talk, like the day his wife was shopping at the mall and he waited for her, expecting to sit and read a book – but he instead chatted with a woman who needed a listening ear.
A man whom he had counseled told Deacon Bobby he spent a year trying to find him so he could tell him, “You saved my life.”
And, one day, a man was beeping his car horn at him so he could tell Deacon Bobby that their past conversation had kept him from suicide.
His best advice, he said, is to tell people to pray — things get better when you pray.
Deacon Bobby is a member of the Oneida Nation and speaks with pride about its history, culture and traditions. The Doxtators’ home decor incorporates the Oneida heritage.
The Oneida in northeast Wisconsin were moved from New York and, he noted, George Washington couldn’t have won the American Revolution “without the Oneida feeding them.” According to mountvernon.org, “The Oneida are one of the Six Nations Iroquois (Haudenosaunee), and the only one that openly declared its support for the American Revolution.”
Deacon Bobby is a veteran. He enlisted in 1965 and served for four years in Army intelligence. Today is a member of and a chaplain for Robert Cornelius VFW Post 7784 in Oneida.
“I’m always one for education,” said Deacon Bobby, who has taken many college courses. “I think you never quit learning. That’s why I read a lot of books. … I have to get a new Bible every once in a while because I’m always highlighting.”
A personal highlight of his diaconate was being asked to serve as a member of the National Advisory Commission of the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops, which led him to be among those invited to the White House in 2008 to attend an event with Pope Benedict XVI and President George W. Bush.
“He means a lot to the parish,” said Margaret. “Everybody loves him. He’s very open. He can talk to anyone and everyone. He enjoys people. He’s very good at it.”
“You have to feel like you’re being called by God,” Deacon Bobby said of the diaconate, adding, “If you don’t feel you’ve been called by God to do ministry then you’re not going to be very successful.”
